heavy-update posts

Comrade! It is good to see you. I see you have completed the gauntlet our wise commanders have given you. Da, I know. It was hard. But it was all for glorious Mother Russia! You may not have completed all of the tasks given to you, but our masters were generous. After 10 tasks, they gave you a delicious Sandvich. After 15 tasks, a glorious new minigun to mow down the dirty American Scouts. And at 22 tasks complete, you were given the K.G.B., a killing machine named after our most important government service. If you must still peruse the guide, though, it is divided into 5 parts, labeled, in the Russian tradition, plain and intelligently. Part one, two, three, four, and five are all freely available to you, and we wish you happy hunting. For Mother Russia!

Da, Comrade? Vat can we help you with? Oh, you haf your new orders? Glorious! Praise to Mother Russia in all her visdom! We heard you will be gettink new weapons to assist in your fight for one of the Amerikanski corporations. While we do not applaud you working for capitalist dogs, we do not question to visdom of the Motherland. So, in celebration of your new orders and weapons, we will give you this document. It details how to acquire your new armaments. Do not misuse it or distribute it to the enemies of Mother Russia, or we will be forced to inform the KGB of your treasonous actions! You may view parts one, two, three, and four of our guide as well.

Da, Comrade? Vat can we help you with? Oh, you haf your new orders? Glorious! Praise to Mother Russia in all her visdom! We heard you will be gettink new weapons to assist in your fight for one of the Amerikanski corporations. While we do not applaud you working for capitalist dogs, we do not question to visdom of the Motherland. So, in celebration of your new orders and weapons, we will give you this document. It details how to acquire your new armaments. Do not misuse it or distribute it to the enemies of Mother Russia, or we will be forced to inform the KGB of your treasonous actions! You may view parts one, two, and three of our guide as well.

Da, Comrade? Vat can we help you with? Oh, you haf your new orders? Glorious! Praise to Mother Russia in all her visdom! We heard you will be gettink new weapons to assist in your fight for one of the Amerikanski corporations. While we do not applaud you working for capitalist dogs, we do not question to visdom of the Motherland. So, in celebration of your new orders and weapons, we will give you this document. It details how to acquire your new armaments. Do not misuse it or distribute it to the enemies of Mother Russia, or we will be forced to inform the KGB of your treasonous actions! You may view parts one and two of our guide as well.

Da, Comrade? Vat can we help you with? Oh, you haf your new orders? Glorious! Praise to Mother Russia in all her visdom! We heard you will be gettink new weapons to assist in your fight for one of the Amerikanski corporations. While we do not applaud you working for capitalist dogs, we do not question to visdom of the Motherland. So, in celebration of your new orders and weapons, we will give you this document. It details how to acquire your new armaments. Do not misuse it or distribute it to the enemies of Mother Russia, or we will be forced to inform the KGB of your treasonous actions! You may view part one of our guide as well.

Da, Comrade? Vat can we help you with? Oh, you haf your new orders? Glorious! Praise to Mother Russia in all her visdom! We heard you will be gettink new weapons to assist in your fight for one of the Amerikanski corporations. While we do not applaud you working for capitalist dogs, we do not question to visdom of the Motherland. So, in celebration of your new orders and weapons, we will give you this document. It details how to acquire your new armaments. Do not misuse it or distribute it to the enemies of Mother Russia, or we will be forced to inform the KGB of your treasonous actions!

We have to admit, this is probably the silliest unlock we've seen so far. The final unlock revealed as a part of the Heavy update is none other than a sandwich. This is no ordinary sandwich, though. This sandwich is filled with such nutritional delights, such savory meats, that it heals a full 120 health upon consuming. You have to stand still for 4 seconds while eating, though, and you make vigorous consumption sounds when eating, drawing enemies like a picnic draws ants. Overall, it's a humorous and altogether useful addition to the game. Oh, and for those who want a little bit of comedy, scroll down and watch the "Meet the Sandvich" video for some extra hilarity.

If you want to try out the wild and wacky Sandvick in the game you can do so now as Valve has just updated the shooter with all of the updates previously revealed including two new weapons, new achievements for the Heavy class, a new Payload map and the new Arena gameplay mode with five new maps.

Download the "Meet the Sandvich" HD Trailer (10 MB)

As promised, Valve has given us another taste of what their new update has to offer. This time, it's one of the new Payload maps. Badwater Basin is a response to the assertion (which is backed up by cold, hard data) that Gold Rush is heavily favored towards defenders. With much less chokepoints than Gold Rush and larger spaces, it helps keep players from getting stuck into a position to where they cannot advance. Also, instead of a 3-stage map, Badwater is just one large map with many checkpoints, which encourages the BLU team to keep pushing hard to add time. Just another awesome addition to the Heavy update!

Valve promised us more information on the Heavy update each weekday, and they did not disappoint. Today we have some juicy bits of information for you concerning the new achievements and the new melee weapon for the Heavy. First, the weapon. Dubbed the K.G.B. (or Killing Gloves of Boxing), they give the Heavy guaranteed criticals for 5 seconds if he kills an opponent with them. It appears, though, that it has a slower attack speed, and it take a full second and a half to switch to the minigun and wind-up to fire, reducing the impact of the critical bonus.

Second are the achievements. Notably, a lot of them deal with the interaction between the Heavy and the Medic. There are some interesting ones that appear to reveal more about the upcoming weapons. For example, Marxman and Five Second Plan both appear to show a weapon that has not been revealed yet. A mine? Return of the infamous MIRV from Team Fortress Classic? We'll find out soon enough! You can check out the full list of achievements and Valve's comments on the K.G.B. at the update's site.